


The True Boar

by DimensionSlip



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Anal Sex, Falling In Love, Happy Ending, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Porn with Feelings, Post-Canon, Sharing a Bed, Two touch-starved idiots get worked up while sparring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-12 13:34:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20565182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DimensionSlip/pseuds/DimensionSlip
Summary: Pig-headed is the last thing he would use to describe himself, but coming to terms with buried feelings is never easy, especially when your name is Felix Hugo Fraldarius and you're dealing with a king prone to overworking himself.Or, a few months after the end of the war, King Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd sets out from the capital, eager to rebuild ties with the lords of Faerghus. He begins by visiting Fraldarius, home to an estranged childhood friend.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Baby's first non-Tales fic in ages, please be gentle—
> 
> In all seriousness though, all feedback is very much appreciated! This piece, while co-written with a friend, isn't beta read so it might be a little rough around the edges in certain parts, but I hope everyone enjoys what's here thus far <s>as well as my best efforts to edit things on my own</s>! I really love these two and wanted to spread the love so to speak.

Inevitable as it is, it's still with an ounce of reluctance that Felix had decided to take up his late father's position, serving the Kingdom as Duke Fraldarius. Edelgard may have fallen, but northern skirmishes have far from stopped three months later, and have in fact intensified since the Empire's fall. The irony of such things happening when peace for Fódlan seems like an actual possibility is not lost on Felix, but elementary tactics would say this is the best time to strike at an enemy kingdom. The luxury of soul-searching is not something afforded to the living, especially when there's much to do and protect. Chivalry may be a concept as good as dead for him, but Felix is not about to stand pretty while living people depended on him.

All the same, being bound by the frivolities that came with the title is something that left a sour taste in Felix's mouth. _Protecting his vassals?_ Yes, he will do that any day. _Serving tea to the king?_ A task better left to some doe-eyed maidservant. Which, is in fact the case for the pot of chamomile tea that Felix had left in the living room along with some snacks, but sitting around and having tea is something he tolerated at best, even if the idea of a break and tea itself are things he did not abhor. Sitting around is something he isn't in the mood to do at the moment, especially with many things weighing on his mind.

Apparently, he's not alone in that respect, for his guest had wandered off while he checked on the kitchen. Small annoyance as it is, Felix could only think of one place Dimitri would have wandered off to. And lo and behold, there he was in his late father's study, like a child caught with his hand inside the proverbial candy jar.

"Ah, Felix. I was just looking—"

Except that the said child collapses, and Felix has an inkling as to why—not that it makes the situation any easier to accept.

Felix runs a hand through his hair in mild exasperation before kneeling next to Dimitri, giving the aforementioned's shoulder a hard shake.

"...Get up." 

It looks like he's going to have to add "babysitting the king" to that list of duties he'd rather not be saddled with.

"The heck are you doing, sleeping here?"

Dimitri looks up at him, bleary-eyed as he pulls himself to a sitting position and clears his throat.

"Did you say something? I must have missed it, I apologize."

Concern, of course, is something that lingers in the back of his mind, but the moment Dimitri responds like that, a spark of irritation creases his expression into the most unamused of frowns. Even if he knows why Dimitri is acting so far out of it, it doesn't change the fact that repeating himself is another thing he dislikes, moreso when he feels Dimitri brought this situation upon himself—if Dedue's stories are anything to go by.

"...Just get your ass off my floor."

Felix says, rising, but not without extending a hand towards Dimitri. Dedue certainly had his hands full, if he had to deal with this stubborn boar's tendency to overwork himself and skip sleep.

"Thank you," Dimitri says, smiling as he accepts Felix's hand. "Shall we head back downstairs? Let me just put those documents together, I'll follow you down in a bit."

"No," Felix's tone is firm, brooking no room for argument as he pulls Dimitri up with a grunt, "You're going to bed. I don't want you making a mess down the living room too."

"You can't be serious," Dimitri says, no shortage of protest in his tone, "The sun is still high in the sky! I'll stay put and read until sunset, then I'll take a bath and go to bed. I can hardly just crawl right in with three days of travel grime still clinging to me."

"You mean, 'stay put and read until the next morning'."

Felix folds his arms, planting his feet firmly between the bookcase and Dimitri. There is no way he's letting Dimitri argue his way out of this, hell be damned. Even if it's just late in the afternoon, and too early for sleep.

"Dedue told me what you've been up to. But I'm not Dedue, and I'm not having any of your crap in my house. You can't help the living if you're _dead_."

Dimitri opens his mouth as if to argue further, but one long look at Felix seems to get him to relent.

"Very well," Dimitri's shoulders sag as he sighs, lowering his head slightly. "If you will allow me to collect them in the morning, then I suppose it can wait."

He pauses.

"...I'll go draw a bath."

Any brief surge of childish triumph on Felix's end is quick to dissolve at Dimitri's next planned course of action, which is anything but resting.

"No, you're—ugh, fine."

Felix sighs, none too happy about agreeing with the admittedly reasonable move. Travel grime can be a hassle to clean, after all.

"Didn't know boars could get bothered by such things. Do what you must before bed, but I'm gonna make sure you do nothing more than that."

Or in other words, Felix is ready to follow Dimitri into the bath if he's not confident enough about the aforementioned's ability to keep to his word.

At those words, Dimitri's brows lower for a brief moment.

"How unexpected," Dimitri says, preparing to make his way out of the room. "It's been quite some time since you dutifully waited outside the bathroom door for me."

Felix lets out an annoyed _tsk_ as he proceeds to follow Dimitri out of the study, huffing at the reminder of how he used to be as a child.

"'Duty' sounds about right," Felix says, glaring daggers at the back of the man so kind to bring up his old tendencies. "Have they made nagging you to rest an official position yet? Sounds like the court needs it."

It seems that Felix isn't alone in feeling childish about the whole situation, if Dimitri has resorted to such responses.

"I am young yet, I can manage a couple of sleepless nights."

"A 'couple'. Right," Felix says, dubious.

"We're still too vulnerable for me to be wasting time in bed that I could be spending to secure the future," Dimitri says, unaffected by Felix's doubt. "In a few years—perhaps even this year—there will not be such a pressing need to prove ourselves."

Felix sighs, but says nothing more as he follows Dimitri in silence. The rest are fair points, even if Dimitri's obsession to do right causes the aforementioned to go too far at times.

* * *

Despite it being a while since Dimitri visited, he still knew his way around the estate, and has no trouble making it to the room he'll be staying in for now. Cracking the door open, he lingers by the entrance, smiling.

"It hasn't changed."

"...Not like we had the time to redecorate," Felix says, closing his eyes briefly as he stilled a familiar heaviness weighing down his chest, willing it to abate. The guest room usually reserved for Dimitri is somehow fancier and bigger than Felix's own room back in the day. When he was a child, it used to be a small form of contention between him and his father, given who resided in their place for most of the year. A reason for Felix to sleep over when Dimitri's family pays them a visit, in awe of what can never be his. But now, it only served as a reminder of what has been—a mixture of both nostalgia and emptiness. They may be adults now, bigger than they were back in the day, but somehow the room felt large and hollow without the usual people to fill it and the others.

Dimitri's family is never coming back, and so is his father.

"Anyway, get a move on. You can go gawk at the furniture later, they aren't going anywhere."

Dimitri glances back at Felix briefly, nodding in response. He steps into the room and removes his armor and his cloak, placing them in the same spot where the late king always left his gear. Felix starts towards Dimitri the moment he sees him stumble slightly upon standing back up after he removes his boots. But upon seeing him not fall over this time around, Felix is quick to withdraw his hand and keep his distance as Dimitri quietly pads into the bathroom.

Even if his concern isn't out of place, Felix considers himself beyond such displays better left to a mother or someone like Dedue. He's no longer that child that hung onto Dimitri's every word or move, who needed someone to look up to or to follow. He can stand on his own now, and whatever he's doing now is not because he didn't know any better, but because he chose to do it. He's his own person now, a lone wolf of a kind, though left with a lost pack that had no one better to guide them but him. "Duke Fraldarius", they now call him.

As the sound of rushing water fills his ears, Felix is left with only his thoughts for company, gaze falling on the carefully removed armor and cloak resting nearby. _Was standing around like this something his father did for the late king as well?_ Somehow he could imagine it given how close they were back in the day, but it's not like he'll ever get an answer to that question, what with the answer lost to the memories of the dead.

Felix trains his eyes on the bathroom door, ill at ease as he leans back against the wall while keeping watch. Despite the lack of awkward thumps coming from the bathroom, he's not too confident about Dimitri's ability to keep himself on his hind legs. Dimitri's body is clearly craving for sleep, whatever its owner might have to say about it.

* * *

Still, the lack of sound unsettles Felix eventually. Dimitri has never been the type to soak for longer than necessary, and the idea of Dimitri sneaking out was ridiculous, as the only possible exits are a window too small for Dimitri to pass through and the door leading back into the bedroom.

Still, Felix wouldn't have put it past Dimitri to have found a way to do it, or create his own exit so to speak. That damn boar can be pretty headstrong and determined if there is something he's set his eyes on. As such, he closes the distance between him and the door, channeling his irritation into the few hard raps he gives the door.

_No answer._

"Hey, still there?"

As he has more or less expected, that nets him no response as well. Another possibility surfaces to the forefront of Felix's mind, but he's quick to squash it. The idea of a successful assassination is even way more absurd than his previous speculations, and it is easier to think of Dimitri as that wayward boar that clawed its way out of whatever hell it ends up in. Even if he doesn't strongly believe in it as he did back in the day.

_...It's better than thinking of him as a corpse in the middle of a battlefield, after all._

Shaking the thought out of his head, Felix draws his sword and pushes the door to the bathroom open, thankfully left unlocked. If there is an assassin, they certainly are careless, Felix can't help but think as he walks past where Dimitri's underclothes lay and takes several steps towards the bath—

"...Oh."

Felix, more than ever, feels thankful no one can him then, for there was no use suppressing the cocktail of emotions displayed so brazenly upon his face. Relief, at seeing Dimitri unharmed. Flustered, that there was an easy answer to all of this. Anger, at himself for letting his imagination run wild, and at Dimitri, for falling asleep here, of all places. Still, anger gave him something to focus on, to channel instead of all those other sensitive emotions as he sheaths his sword. It's easier to concentrate on it over the regret he feels at seeing the scars that decorated Dimitri's right eye—a testament to what had come to pass. He has never bothered asking about it, nor had Dimitri cared to regale them with the story of how he lost his other eye. But with the sight bared before him for the first time, it's easy to guess what happened once Dimitri received that eye injury, telltale scars near his temple implying what manner of suffering he must have endured as it wasted away.

It is not a pretty story, one Felix could not blame Dimitri for not being forthcoming about.

Nonetheless, whatever sympathy Felix had at the moment is not enough to stop him from taking a nearby wash bowl, filling it cold water before unceremoniously dumping it over Dimitri's head in a callous attempt to rouse him and deflect Felix from his own train of thought.

The next thing to happen should not have surprised him, yet, that's exactly what it does.

_Surprise him, that is._

By the time he had even entertained the notion of moving away or defending himself, Dimitri has him pinned to the floor, a wild glint in his eye with his hands on Felix's wrists, knees digging into his thighs. Dimitri's chest heaves as he seems to gaze at something past Felix, recognition barely there in his eye.

Felix bites back a wince, testing if he could escape the boar's clutches, but no dice.

"Didn't know... I was serving... A feral animal..."

If there's anything Felix is sure about, however, it's that he doesn't like the way his voice comes off. It comes out too strained for dignity, too breathy for his usual pointed jabs. Sure, he had the wind knocked out of him, but it still feels like a stupid excuse for sounding so weak. There is also the matter of crimson sure to be splashed across his cheeks then, currently warm from Felix's attempts to draw in breath and wrest himself out of this boar's clutches—to no avail. It's certainly not the sight of Dimitri's toned and scarred figure bearing down and dripping on him—a sight new to him since they last saw each other naked. It's one he eventually averts his gaze from, preferring to go limp instead as his struggles led nowhere. Eye contact has not been one of his strongest points anyhow, and will never be, and the wild look in Dimitri's eye left him with feelings of fear, anger, and uncertainty he'd been able to suppress since the war.

...And something else now, though he's not sure if it's a line of thought he wished to dwell on, nor a path he desired to explore.

Nonetheless, being attacked like this in his own home is the last thing he expects, and it seems he has to reevaluate his stance on Dimitri not too long after he considered a certain opposite. But for what it's worth, his words snap Dimitri out of his trance. Taking a few shuddering breaths as he lets go of Felix, Dimitri sits on the floor, leaning his head back on the rim of the tub as if trying to collect his thoughts.

It takes Felix a good few moments before he is confident enough to pull himself into a sitting position, more dignified than lying with his back pressed against the floor. Dimitri certainly threw his weight into it—Felix could feel the beginnings of aching bruises where Dimitri had kneed him. Being damp like this was far from comfortable as well, but it'll evaporate. There have been worse things stuck to his clothing, after all.

"I'm... sorry," Dimitri says, voice rough as he reaches up to push his wet bangs out of his face. "It's a bad habit. I didn't have the luxury of waiting to ask questions if something woke me."

"...Don't apologize," Felix says, relieved to note his voice sounded less vulnerable, if a bit rough. It helps that he was pointedly averting his gaze from Dimitri, not that Dimitri seems inclined to make eye contact anyway. "I should've known better."

_Than to wake him like that? That those five years of solitude took such a deep toll on him? Something else entirely?_

More than annoyance, there is a twinge of guilt at how he underestimated what Dimitri had gone through, deep enough to leave a mark even during these times of relative peace. The war may be over, but it will be a long while before any of them would be able to move past certain experiences.

_If they manage to._

"I'm glad you didn't," Dimitri says, "I find it reassuring to have a friend that doesn't coddle me—I can always trust you to tell me what I need to hear, even if others won't."

"Coddling?" Felix finds himself unsteady as he rises on his feet, but thankfully, his initial numbness is quick to wear off once he starts shifting his weight. "Yeah, you've got enough of that from Dedue."

By the time Felix dares to glance Dimitri's way, he had already rubbed most of the water out of his head and body, sporting the used towel around his waist. Felix throws Dimitri a frown, unimpressed as he gesticulates.

"Either way, I'm not about to dance around something that's clearly my fault. So quit making me out to be a saint, it's annoying."

"I would _never_ call you a saint," Dimitri says, laughing quietly. He heads over to the cabinets, briefly going through them before picking out a certain jar—one that Felix recognizes as bruise cream.

"If I may, a selfish request: let me put this on your back. Giving you a few bruises on the training grounds is one thing, but it doesn't sit well with me to injure you on accident."

The request earns a raised brow from Felix, who lowers his hand as he narrows his eyes at Dimitri.

"Hmph. How soft of you. But have it your way."

But if it would get Dimitri less hung up over it and less persistent about the damn incident, the trade-off was probably worth it. Especially since Felix planned to get some of that cream on his bruises anyway, and those on his back would be definitely tricky to reach...

"...Let's get out of here first. I'd rather hang my clothes somewhere dry."

* * *

It's not long before Felix checks on Dimitri, who had nodded his assent earlier and headed back to the bedroom to stand by the fire to dry his hair a little. The cream had been set on the hearth to warm a bit, and Dimitri is in the middle of tugging on some fresh clothing when Felix sights him.

Seeing that it proceeds without incident, Felix steps out, eager to exit the damp bath area which left him uncomfortable in more ways than one. He is methodical about unfastening and shedding his coat and its accompanying undershirt, quick as the cumbersome task would allow him. Shirtless, he hangs his clothes to dry without ceremony and wordlessly grabs one of the nearby stools to sit on as Dimitri proceeds to hang his towel.

Once Felix has settled himself in front of the fire, he leans forward, exposing his back to Dimitri as he folds his hands.

"Get on with it."

The sooner this is over with, the sooner Dimitri could rest and get out of his hair. Provided he does not sneak out instead as he is wont to do.

"Patience is a virtue," Dimitri says, a light tease in his tone. Felix lets out a huff, pride making him feel a touch inadequate next to Dimitri. No doubt he is judging him for how small he is under all his bulky clothing, given it's been a while since he's seen him without his top on. It isn't a surprise by any means, as he's always been the smallest among the guys in their ragtag group. 

A small hiss escapes him as Dimitri's hand runs over one of the nastier bruises, but he's quick to sigh it out and tsk under his breath.

"Damn, you really don't pull any punches."

_Come to think of it, it's been a while since their last spar..._ But more than that, perhaps it is not the best of ideas to let Dimitri handle such a delicate task given his history of breaking things.

"I wouldn't be standing here if I did."

Dimitri lingers briefly around the edges of the quickly swelling knot that's bothering Felix the most, lightly pressing down to encourage the blood not to stick around too much. After one round of swearing at the initial pain caused by working on that knot, Felix quiets, letting Dimitri work out the rest. It seems that his wariness—at least for this particular case—may be for nothing. Calloused hands roam his back in a quasi-massage, leading to eventual relief as the cream is spread adequately. The barest of smiles plays on his lips as it goes on, a memory forefront on his mind. It is a little hard to believe that this is the same person that shoved him down in the first place, moreso the boar that would constantly break the materials needed for needlework and the like.

Felix would not admit it, but it is quite enjoyable, and he finds himself regretting how quick everything had to end. A somewhat troubling thought, but one he's quick to shake off, furrowing his brows as he straightens up on his seat and rolls his shoulders back.

"Guess... whoever trained you didn't do that bad of a job."

Good, the pain seems to have faded for the most part, though he'll have to do something about the bruises on his thighs later. Still, he avoids making eye contact with Dimitri as he says that, not really wanting him to pick up on most of his satisfaction.

"It was Mercedes," Dimitri says, clearly holding back a chuckle as he speaks. "She taught me how to perform basic repairs on my clothing, as well. Would you believe that I can use a needle without bending it?"

_Mercedes..._ No surprises there, Felix supposes as he lets out something between a snort and a chuckle.

"She did know how to work miracles," Felix says as he rises, sucking in a breath at the sharp ache which accompanies the action. He'll have to take care of those bruises later if he didn't want them to worsen, that's for certain. Without further ado, Felix takes his now dry and warm undershirt and dons it. No sense putting on the coat for now, he thinks as he strides over to the dresser and pulls out a comb, which he tosses to Dimitri. Dimitri had already padded over to the bed in an attempt to settle down and take care of his hair, which had mostly dried while he was working on Felix's back. It admittedly looks like a disaster, but Felix refrains from commenting on it, his mind on other matters.

"I'll be back."

Not waiting for a response, he ducks out of the room to grab their tray of now certainly cold tea and snacks, determined to make the most out of it anyhow.

* * *

By the time Felix returns, Dimitri had gotten most of his hair under control. Felix notes Dimitri's surprise as he sets the tray on the table next to the bed, pouring out the tea into two cups, one of which he is about to offer Dimitri.

"...Should you not put some of that balm on your legs as well?"

However, at Dimitri's remark, Felix is halfway tempted to dump the contents of the cup on Dimitri's lap instead. But considering who has to do the clean up afterwards and the troublesome explanations he needs to come up with later, he opts to set it back on the tray carelessly, glaring at Dimitri as the liquid sloshes and a small amount spills on the saucer.

"Yes, but I'll do that later. Quit obsessing over it."

_Why the hell was Dimitri so fixated with his damn bruises?_ Feeling his irritation building up, Felix distracts himself by storming away to grab one of the bigger chairs from the nearby table, which he plants by Dimitri's bedside. Taking a cup for his own, Felix slides into his seat and takes a long sip of the cold tea, draining it halfway before speaking again.

"I can take care of it myself, and if it concerns you so damn much, then get to sleep so I can apply it sooner."

"I'm in bed, aren't I?" Dimitri says, huffing as he picks up the cup of tea. "I'll try to sleep after a couple of cups."

Dimitri is barely looking at the snacks as he grabs one, passing over the lemon crumbles that used to be a favorite of his in favor of something with a smoother texture.

"Right."

Felix snaps half of the Gautier cheese cracker present in the selection, unceremoniously popping it into his mouth as he finishes the rest of the tea. Being fussed over like a child by Dimitri of all people is frustrating to say the least of it, even if he does understand where part of it is coming from. It still doesn't make it any easier, especially when after all this time, he's still struggling to reconcile certain things about the friend he once knew and the person in front of him at present.

...As well as certain other things, but now didn't seem like the time to dwell on them.

"...I'll heat it up."

Felix says with a long sigh. Still, Dimitri's disappointment doesn't escape him, and childish as they were being, he had a duty of sorts to satisfy. Not waiting on a response as Dimitri chews on his food, Felix takes the teapot and rises, transferring its contents into the kettle by the fireplace. Felix bites down on his lower lip to suppress a wince as he leans down to hang the kettle near the fire, a touch annoyed at Dimitri being right. He really should take care of his other bruises sooner than later—such injuries will be a hindrance in the coming days, especially with all the walking he has to do once he's done entertaining Dimitri. And given Dimitri's track record, it will be a while before sleep would claim a certain restless boar.

"...Thank you," Dimitri says, an ounce of tiredness in his tone, almost as if he's given up on his argument with Felix.

Still, a word of thanks is a word of thanks. Felix responds to Dimitri's word of thanks with a soft _hmph_, less sharp than their previous exchange. After a short internal debate with himself, Felix settles for standing instead of sitting back on the nearby stool. His legs only bother him if he moves, so minimizing it seems like the best way to go about it until he could give it proper attention.

Once he had deemed it hot enough, Felix carefully removes the pot from the fire and returns the tea back into its old container. His walk back to the bedside is thankfully uneventful, as with him pouring out tea into their respective cups.

"Here," Felix says as he gruffly offers the cup to Dimitri again, "should be better now."

Dimitri takes the cup with a nod, lifting it again to inhale the steam.

"It's good," Dimitri says after taking a small sip, keeping the cup in his hands rather than the saucer. It seems he's intent on finishing it as quick as he can. 

"Yeah." Seated on the bedside chair once more, Felix nods in response, being in the middle of sipping some of the warm tea himself. It really is best enjoyed hot, especially with this cool weather they had. As for why he had seated himself this time around, it would have been odd if he had kept standing while eating and drinking. It is also easier for him to keep an eye on Dimitri this way, and thus far, it does seem like he intends to keep his word about resting. As such, the silence that falls over them is less tense, perhaps even amiable as Felix starts towards Dimitri's saucer once Felix had finished his cup. "Did you want a refill?"

Inwardly, he hopes Dimitri isn't hoping for seconds, given how that means he'll have to stretch a little further for the teapot should that be the case. Betraying any more weakness is not on his agenda for the day, by any means.

"No, thank you. The one cup seems to have done the trick."

"Alright."

Felix exhales, trying not to let the relief show on his face as he watches Dimitri return the cup and saucer to the tray, briefly hesitating before removing his eyepatch to leave on the nightstand as well. Truly, the subject of his eye injury must be a sensitive one, but Felix had seen what lay beneath the eye patch, so there technically is no use being discreet about it now.

That aside, Felix is determined to sit and wait for Dimitri to actually fall asleep, even if he feels an itch to take care of his injuries. As long as he takes care of them before bed, it should not be too bad in the morning—a dull ache close to forgettable like the ones on his back.

What he doesn't foresee is falling asleep on the chair while waiting for Dimitri to fall asleep. Dimitri by far is not the only one who has had to deal with a sleepless night or two, and warm tea certainly had a soothing effect on one's tired body.

* * *

It was dark, way past midnight by the time Felix wakes up from his nap, his position on the chair none too comfortable. He groans as he straightens in his seat, casting a bleary eye towards the bed before him. It seems that Dimitri has kept to his word, thus saving him from cursing his ineptitude at keeping him rested. However, the same cannot be said for capability to stand up straight, a sharp burn stinging his legs as he rises to his feet. Gripping the armrest tightly, he sucks in a breath and waits for the wave of pain to abate before taking a tentative step forward. It isn't as bad as it was earlier, but walking was far from comfortable as he found himself fumbling for nearby surfaces to lean his weight against. His hand brushes against the handle of one of the teacups, causing a small rattle as the cups clink together as he begins his hobble towards the door.

"...You'll break something going around in the dark."

Felix pauses at those words, fighting off a renewed wave of embarrassment at being caught like this. For a moment, he considers being obtuse, none too pleased about having roused Dimitri from the sleep the other clearly needed.

"Look how high the moon is," Dimitri continues, "It's already late, just sleep here."

But all the same, he supposes this is karma for ignoring Dimitri's concern for him just like that, and given what happened before and his situation now, it did not seem like a good idea to risk any more. Especially when Dimitri is considerate enough not to call him out on his weakness.

"Fine, whatever."

Felix retreats back to Dimitri's bedside, his gait off as he ambles back. There is no use putting up a front at this point—the jig is up, and Felix more or less has to lie on the proverbial bed he had made.

...Or perhaps, literal one in another case. Sinking into one side of the bed, he unties his hair and removes his boots before climbing in, grimacing slightly as he shifts to lie on his side, his back towards Dimitri.

* * *

Dimitri doesn't say anything else and just lies there, letting his thoughts drift. How nostalgic. When did they sleep in this bed together last? It feels like ages ago—Dimitri's father would often stay up well into the night with Rodrigue, leaving Felix and Dimitri to have little sleepovers just like this. The bed dwarfed the two of them back then. Now, he can easily feel Felix's weight shifting the mattress, reminding him of his presence even without Felix clinging to his side. It's comforting, more than he expected it would be. Possibly even enough to ward off the nightmares.

Which he somehow forgot about until just this moment. That's what he gets for just focusing on getting Felix to lie down without grousing about it. The thought of waking up violently again and potentially hurting him is almost enough to get him to just tell Felix to go after all, but he doesn't want to admit to being plagued with bad dreams like he's still a child. As long as he can feel exactly where Felix is, it should be fine, right?

_Right._

He faces away from Felix as he shifts toward him, scooting closer until their backs touch.

"...What are you doing?"

Dimitri tenses up at the question, exhaling in a quick rush before he answers.

"You'll know I am not sneaking off like this, won't you? This is far more comfortable than the chair."

Which is not exactly the truth, but the truth feels too raw. Just thinking about admitting to such a pathetic thing makes his face feel hot. The last thing he wants is for Felix to stay here out of pity. It's easier for both of them to just say that Felix is essentially babysitting him and leave it at that.

It seems to fly with Felix, for he responds with a grunt of approval. A few moments later, his breaths even out into what Dimitri thinks to be a restful sleep.

Unfortunately for Dimitri, it's not so easy for him to get back to sleep. He doesn't just stay up due to stubbornness: when he's left alone with his thoughts, it's difficult to keep them in check. He's able to keep himself together now out of necessity, but his heart hasn't fully healed yet, not by a long shot. He's still learning how to live for himself and what he believes in; the dark of night and the silent solitude that accompanies it makes it all too easy to revert back to that beast that lived only for revenge.

Just like earlier, when he attacked Felix. Dimitri pushes away a twinge of guilt, trying to remind himself that Felix accepted fault for the incident. Even an ordinary person would snap a bit upon such a rude awakening, wouldn't they? Though few would tackle someone over it like a crazed animal. It's no wonder Felix could barely look at him until he let him up again. Though—

_He did look at him, didn't he?_ He just looked at his body instead of his face. Was he just trying to avoid looking at his eye? Dimitri frowns to himself, trying to recall if Felix had shown any signs of pitying him after seeing the scars those years on his own left on him. Instead, all he can remember is how flushed those usually pale cheeks of his were. _Of all the things to linger on..._ surely, he was just angry and flustered, there's no reason to dwell on it! Dimitri sighs heavily, shoving his face into his pillow as if that will somehow put a stop to the unwanted train of thought. Better to focus on the steady sound of Felix's breathing. Maybe if he imitates it, sleep will claim him, too.

Except it doesn't, and instead he picks up on the high, whistling sound of the wind outside. Dimitri lifts his head from the pillow to peek over at the fire. It's getting low. If a cold front is coming in, then he should pile on a few more logs and pull the drapes. He twists toward Felix, lightly placing a hand on his shoulder and murmuring softly:

"I'm going to put a few more logs on the fire. I'll be right back."

Dimitri feels Felix stir behind him, but does not bother looking back. Rising, he pauses at the window for a bit, frowning when he notices the cloud cover, but other than that he doesn't dally. Once the drapes are pulled securely shut and the logs in the fire are in place, he crawls back into bed, a touch amused at seeing Felix asleep, facing Dimitri's side of the bed this time around.

Really, Felix looks so much younger when he's this sleepy. Dimitri holds his breath to silence a laugh, tugging the blankets and making himself comfortable. Though he has his back to Felix at first, eventually he can't resist the temptation to lie flat on the bed and put his arm just close enough to Felix for him to grab on. He doesn't think he'll _actually_ hold on to him, but if he did, it would be hilarious and he would absolutely have to tell Sylvain when he goes to survey Gautier territory next.

But Felix does that, and more. Inching close, Felix presses his forehead against Dimitri's shoulder, wrapping his arms around Dimitri's arm as he brings it close to his chest to keep warm and comfortable. Here, Dimitri thought he would just be laughing, but as Felix snuggles up to him, Dimitri's heart skips a beat. How ridiculous! He's known Felix since they were in diapers, getting anxious over being close to him now is just silly. Especially since Felix is so out of it that it doesn't really mean anything!

Maybe Sylvain is right. If he's getting even a little excited over having _Felix_ cuddling him, then maybe he should start seeing people after all. Goodness knows he's old enough for it.

Exhaling slowly, Dimitri shifts and slips his arm under Felix's head instead of letting him cling to it, holding him in return. He tries to tell himself he's mostly doing it so that Felix can blame this on him in the morning, but he knows that's not the whole reason.


	2. Chapter 2

The growing chill around the room keeps Felix close to that comfortable warmth, one that is strangely familiar in the haze that is Felix's subconscious. He dreams of days that have long passed, of childhood friends playing without a care in the world. Of chasing after a certain friend he used to know, until he tells him he's off to visit Duscur, and despite Felix's pleas not to, disappears into the fire he knows as death.

It's that moment that startles Felix out of his sleep, eyes wide open as he finds himself in a familiar bed, the sound of rain beating against the windows. He blinks, relieved to note there were no tears in his eyes this time around, it'd be _hell_ trying to explain that to Dimitri...

...Whose arm happened to be holding him close, close enough for Felix to flush crimson once more—in embarrassment? In anger? He would have drawn away the instant he realized it, had he not remembered Dimitri's restlessness the night before, and out of consideration for the aforementioned's lack of sleep, decides to stay and keep his position for the moment.

_...Or is it that all there is to it?_ His hands were curled into fists against Dimitri's chest, an occurrence he knows is tied to his childhood instinct to keep close in bed. Felix would like to think he had gotten over it once he had gotten older, but all the same, it isn't like he made a habit of sharing a bed with someone else. Which is why it is hard to tell if he actually kicked the habit, and by the looks of it, it seems any notion of getting over it was all in his head.

Felix refrains from looking up, lost in his thoughts while weighing his next course of action. Despite Dimitri's arm wrapped around him, Felix knows full well that this situation is his own doing, not Dimitri's. Dimitri has never been the type to cling, and in fact, Felix's tendencies as a child has always been a subject of teasing from Sylvain. _So why..._

Ugh, he is going nowhere with this. Dimitri's sleep be damned, he isn't going to allow himself to be discovered like this. Regrettably, he pulls away from that comfortable warmth, deciding it's about time he rose. Felix reasons that he only regrets it is because the temperature around them was unusually cool, but it feels like he's missing something in his reasoning, and that there's a certain aspect he's refraining from looking at. Stubbornly so, he persists in turning a blind eye to it, thinking there's more pressing matters to concern himself with. Like tying his hair and getting up.

His legs are predictably stiff and aching, but the pain is manageable. He's still hobbling once he grabs the half-empty teapot and heats up its remains by the fire. Spying the bruise cream nearby, Felix decides it's about time he took care of certain business, late as it is.

Sitting down on the stool and rolling his pants down to his knees, he surveys the two blossoming bruises on his thighs—unflattering, but should fade given time and generous application of medicine, and perhaps some healing magic. Stretching out his legs, he begins to apply the cream in earnest, hissing under his breath at the relief that comes along with the healing sting of the substance.

* * *

It is hours before Dimitri gets any semblance of actual sleep again. His thoughts keep drifting back to Felix's face in the bathroom, replaying the scene in his head again and again as he tries to puzzle out his expression. He'd been surprised, of course, but the more he turns it over in his mind, the less he thinks he saw any actual anger. His voice certainly didn't sound angry despite what he'd said. If anything, he sounded kind of...

...Maybe he should be trying harder to not think about this while they're literally in bed together.

Eventually, he does fall into a light sleep. Despite the fact that he wishes otherwise, Felix waking and stirring a bit wakes him. But Dimitri just continues to lie there silently, waiting for Felix to get up so that he can proceed to pretend the whole thing never happened. Isn't it better that way? The first year of his reign is not the time to explore potentially being attracted to one of his oldest friends. Maybe if they were both still in school he would have considered it, but Felix was still doing everything he could to push him away then, and Dimitri was so obsessed with vengeance that he never really paid any mind to anything else.

He waits just a couple of minutes after Felix slips out of bed, then he rises himself. Dimitri ties on the eyepatch before joining him by the fire, inhaling deeply when he smells the tea heating.

"It doesn't sound good out there. I wonder if it's freezing rain... it would be better if it were just snow."

"...It's likely going to be a blizzard," Felix says, "A little too early this time of the year, but I guess the goddess does whatever she wants."

Setting aside the jar of cream once he's done applying the medicine, Felix tugs up his pants, frowning towards the window. Dimitri catches himself watching just a little too closely, quick to avert his gaze before he's caught staring.

"A blizzard, this early? This was already a difficult year…"

They'll have to increase the amount of food and supplies being sent up here. Should he ask for those documents again? It seems like the safest option. He'll wait until after breakfast, though. Again, this is not particularly a convenient time to be noticing things like the shape of Felix's legs. But is it any surprise he can't stop himself from fixating on these details? His mind works that way about everything, whether he wants it to or not. At least he can blame it on the bruises if Felix snaps at him for staring.

"We'll manage," Felix says, rising with a low groan.

Dimitri's lips draw into a thin line as Felix transfers the tray of drinks and food to the bigger table. They'll manage, but he would rather they thrive. Hopefully, Ingrid's efforts with improving farmland up north will bear some fruit, but that won't be for a while yet... certainly not in time for winter this year. He can't take advantage of the Alliance too much either, many of its lords are already uneasy with the way Claude simply handed everything over to Dimitri.

"The biscuits are cold, but help yourself to them if you want to," Felix says as he pours out some tea into the cups, setting one by a nearby empty chair. "I'll get us something more fresh."

"That is not necessary," Dimitri is quick to say as Felix turns towards the door, "Not on my account, at least. So long as the tea is warm, I am satisfied."

Felix shouldn't be hobbling around like that! Not until that cream has had some time to absorb. Even just twenty minutes to half an hour should do the job.

For a moment, it looked like Felix was going to be difficult about it, but it seems his rational side wins out as he presses a hand to his temple and retreats.

"...If you're sure," Felix settles on an empty chair across Dimitri's, picking at one of the cheese biscuits, which are a little hard at this point. "...What were you looking at yesterday anyway?"

Since Dimitri can't actually taste the tea, he just dips one of them into the hot liquid for a few seconds to moisten it. Having cheese in tea would be off-putting to most, but he doesn't react as he takes a bite and then sips from the cup.

"Old tax reports and farming records. Have you spoken with Ingrid recently? She has been collecting data from all across the northern territories. Apparently, the professor encouraged her to study agriculture during our academy days. I cannot say how effective her methods might be, but as I'm currently here, I thought I would copy some of it down for her and deliver it on the way back to the capital."

"Yeah, she's way ahead of you already." Other than throwing Dimitri a dubious glance as he dips the biscuit into his tea, Felix refrains from commenting on it, instead taking a thoughtful sip of his drink. "She dropped by a week back and asked for them, so don't worry your kingly head over that. But if you wanted to review it yourself, go ahead."

"Of course she is. Truthfully, I should have guessed as much on my own, but I was not thinking clearly."

Dimitri is even getting to the point where he is slurring some of his words into contractions, which he typically avoids doing. Not that he cares if Felix hears him speaking informally, but still.

Felix finishes the rest of his cup, then pours himself another one. "Just don't stay up late to do it. There's a lot to go through, but seems like we're gonna be stuck here for days anyway, so take your time."

Dimitri takes another sip, peeking at Felix over his cup. Is he slightly anxious at the thought of being snowed in, too? Maybe he'll try prodding him just a bit.

"I am feeling considerably better, though. I have not slept so well since we embarked from the capital."

Which is tragically the truth and not an exaggeration. Yes, that was him sleeping _well_.

"You call that 'well'?" Felix takes an angry gulp of his tea, not so gentle when he sets aside his cup with a small clatter and coughs afterwards. "You're such a kid if that gets you to sleep."

But there's no vitriol in his tone, just the usual sharp tone Felix takes when he's embarrassed about something. Dimitri expected to be called a child for sleeping better with someone nearby, but he didn't expect Felix to fluster to the point that he needed a drink of tea as a temporary distraction. Felix couldn't possibly see him _that_ way, could he? It's Felix, getting him to care about anything other than refining his battle techniques is difficult.

_What a minefield._ Trying to repair their friendship is difficult enough as is. Still, his heart beats a little faster thinking about it, and he can feel his face heating up. He just hopes that blush isn't too obvious.

"You don't find it easier to sleep with someone at your back?"

To watch out for him, of course.

"...Not now," Felix says, shifting his gaze towards his tea and anywhere but Dimitri.

_Liar._ He was sleeping like a baby—for the hours that Dimitri was awake, at least. He just stares at Felix for a few moments, willing him to feel his gaze on him. But then he looks away as well, watching the fire while he drinks his tea.

"I see," Dimitri says, "Well, I do, especially when it's cold out."

Outright saying "stay over again" is too much, so Dimitri will leave it at that. Asking someone to be a living stuffed animal would be humiliating, and he would feel a little like he was taking advantage of Felix's Dedue-inspired determination to get him to sleep while he's here.

Dimitri could feel Felix staring at him, a long while before Felix's laughter breaks through the silence that hung over them.

"Really?" Felix asks, incredulous, "Then let's try again tonight to see if that was a fluke."

The laughter reddens his cheeks slightly again, but Dimitri doesn't mind too much. He lifts his chin, setting down his teacup so that he can cross his arms.

"I would know. I do not purposefully avoid sleep for the sake of avoiding it, it truly is difficult for me to fall asleep and stay that way."

Truthfully, though, Felix's presence didn't make sleep come faster. But it was comforting on an emotional level, and it made lying there as the night wore on, and that made staying put far easier.

"Huh," Felix sets aside his drink after one more sip, cupping a hand to his chin. "Considered getting a wife to warm the bed then?"

"A... wife?"

What kind of a question is that?! Dimitri frowns, lifting his hand to his chin as he mulls over it. He has thought about it a little bit, but at the very least, he wants to wait until there's more stability.

Felix likewise folds his arms, though averts his gaze. "Or if you're sensitive enough about how marriage is such a sacred thing, then I'm sure there's no shortage of people scrambling to get into your bed."

Dimitri shakes his head.

"I have, of course. I would like to let the situation settle some first, though, and it's likely I'll marry to strengthen the country. I wouldn't be able to trust her immediately."

The implication being that he trusts Felix. He almost just says as much, but he'd really rather not get into it right now.

Felix's brows shoot up in response, dubious. "I suppose that makes sense," He says, exhaling. "But you really should give more thought on how to fix your sleep schedule. I won't always be here to be a substitute."

"'Substitute' is an odd way to phrase it. I have not had anyone else come to bed with me, not in adulthood, at least. What are you supposed to be a substitute for, a stuffed animal?"

If anything, anyone else would be the substitute for Felix. Goodness knows they were together often enough as children.

But he does think he knows what Felix is getting at, even if he can be somewhat dense on these matters. Felix wants him to hurry up and find someone that will force him to bed every night. Which isn't really what he wants or needs, anyway. What's the use lying in bed for hours trying to sleep?

"...Whatever," Felix exhales and grumbles, looking like he is done with the topic. "You wanted a look at my old man's papers right? If you're done with breakfast, let's get on with it."

* * *

Not one to back off on his word, Felix allows Dimitri free reign of the study, taking the time to peruse the documents he had not prioritized since his return to the estate. They mostly work in comfortable silence, punctuated with Felix answering Dimitri's questions when he can as he files everything into an order he could deal with more easily.

Still, Felix could only keep up with paperwork for so long, and a certain itch makes itself known eventually. About three hours into their business, he tilts his head towards Dimitri, expression neutral.

"Hey, let's spar."

"I am surprised you lasted this long," The tease is unmistakable in Dimitri's tone as he sets aside what he's reading and stands up. "Very well. It will be good to stretch our legs a bit, and we can find something to eat afterward."

A part of Felix was expecting some resistance from Dimitri with regard to the idea, so for him to readily agree—well, with a bit of light teasing—comes as a surprise. But he doesn't dwell on it, glad to take what he can get in this regard.

"Yeah, we can do that later. For now, let's head to the basement, there's enough room there."

The pain from yesterday had more or less receded into a familiar stiffness, once which Felix feels the need to iron out. The balm from earlier had done its job, and it's with that in mind that he confidently leads the way down to the proposed zone. While lined with cabinets and unused weaponry, the area in the center was spacious enough to allow comfortable maneuvering. The mats that lined the floor in lieu of the table that had been set aside more or less suggest this isn't the first time Felix had to repurpose this area as his indoor training room.

Taking a far spot across Dimitri, Felix begins to stretch, quite eager to get this show on the road. 

"Let me know when you're ready."

* * *

The chill in the air combined with all the old injuries Dimitri bears result in him wanting to do a fair amount of stretching himself. Can he fight without it? Of course he can, he's a trained soldier—but this is just letting off a little steam, so he'll take advantage of the fact to actually warm up first.

Besides, even if it is training, going up against Felix is always intense. Felix won't slice him open, but other than that, he doesn't hold back. Naturally, that means Dimitri won't hold back either... save for grabbing a padded training lance, at least, which he tests the strength of briefly. It creaks ominously, so he puts it aside and tests another one.

"...As soon as I find a sturdy lance, I'm ready."

...Nope, not this one either. But he can tell that they aren't strong enough before he actually breaks them, so hey, that's progress.

"...Try the one by the far right," Felix says, already giving his preferred training sword a few test swings. "If it's to your liking, then let's get on with it. Otherwise, we can just brawl."

Dimitri follows the suggestion, but still, it feels like it'll break if he puts all his strength into it. He sighs and puts that lance down as well, picking up some lightly padded gloves instead.

"Do you have an extra hair tie?"

Having his hair down is all well and good when he can keep foes at bay with a lance, but in hand to hand combat? Not a chance.

"Yeah."

Felix discards his sword and procures one of his spares, which he hands over to Dimitri.

"Thank you."

Dimitri takes it, briefly holding it in his teeth while he pulls his hair up as well as he can. It's not long enough for a full ponytail, but he can get about half of it back, and most importantly, he can pull it back to the point that it doesn't make such a tempting target for being grabbed. He has it tied back in short order, then he pauses to take a good look around the room and gauge how much space they have. Goddess help him if he accidentally tackles Felix into a weapons rack, then he'll _never_ let him see that Zoltan piece he got his hands on...!

"All right, I'm ready. Unless you'd like to put on any padded gear, that is."

Because even if it means Felix is walking away covered in bruises, he knows better than to hold back and have Felix sulk for the rest of his visit.

Predictably, Felix scoffs at the proposal.

"Hmph, what do you take me for? I'm not some delicate flower that'd break from one hit." Taking his position across Dimitri once more, Felix takes a step backwards, fists ready as he shifts his posture. "That said, don't you dare hold back on me."

And with that, Felix takes the initiative, charging straight at Dimitri before sharply angling towards his blind spot. But Dimitri is more than used to compensating for his eye at this point, and anyone will have quite a difficult time taking advantage of him in that way. Dimitri's slightly surprised that Felix is bothering with it at all. Shouldn't he know better?

Then again, how long has it been since they sparred? During the war, they had to fight so often that Dimitri mostly only did stamina and flexibility exercises outside of battle. Being sore during a real fight due to overtraining just simply wasn't worth it. Have they really not tussled like this since their academy days? Dimitri just grins as he maneuvers to block, keeping his good eye toward Felix at all times. Felix will find that he's not nearly as straightforward of an opponent as he used to be—all that time fighting simply to survive has changed his style significantly. Before, he would have mostly focused on simple, powerful hits with his hands and used his feet only to dodge and ground himself.

Now, he's pretty quick to aim a swift kick right at one of Felix's ankles in retaliation. Surprise flickers through Felix's expression at the move, but he manages to spring backwards to avoid the brunt of it.

"...Too slow," Felix says.

Waiting around to banter with enemies was not a luxury Dimitri was able to enjoy on his own. And he's not about to do it now—even as Felix says he's too slow, he's moving in again to stomp on one of his feet to hold him in place while he aims another blow at his side. He looks slightly taken aback when it connects full force, but he's over it quickly.

"Speed is not everything."

Getting Felix to move his foot back to avoid the ankle sweep gave Dimitri plenty of room to get closer and pin the other foot. His good eye narrows as he watches Felix with fierce intensity, poised and ready for him to strike back.

* * *

Despite that rough beginning, Felix finds himself lasting quite a while against Dimitri. The ferocity at which Dimitri handled the exchange is something refreshing to Felix, especially after a while of not sparring.

All the same, it didn't stop Felix from noticing one certain thing as they went on, an area which Dimitri is intent on avoiding despite what logic might dictate.

"...You," Felix says, pausing a short distance away from Dimitri, narrowing his eyes. "You're going easy on me."

Dimitri has been avoiding his thighs, which got injured the night before.

"I told you, it does not sit well with me to injure you on accident," Dimitri pants, taking a step back as well but not relaxing his stance.

"Then why agree to this?" Felix perfectly knows why Dimitri chose to handle things this way, but all the same, cold hard logic isn't enough to make him feel any less irritated by the situation. Growling, Felix throws himself into another charge as he goes after Dimitri's throat, willing his opponent to do something that isn't simply trying to indulge him and this deluded idea of a "fair" match.

Blinded by anger, Felix barely notices Dimitri crouch, and just as Felix is slightly off-balance after missing his grab for Dimitri's neck, he pounces, once again pinning Felix to the floor.

Dimitri tosses his head back slightly to get a few loose strands of hair out of his eyes, taking a moment to catch his breath. "Are you happy now?"

Felix groans, an answer far from his lips. The ache is familiar, expected once he hit the ground _hard_. His day old bruises sting, welcome despite the next round of medicine he'll be needing and the extended time it'll take for everything to heal.

But what he doesn't expect is a certain burn firing his cheeks crimson, too warm to be simple exertion. It must be due to embarrassment, but at the same time, it doesn't quite explain how his heart skips a beat at their proximity. At how Dimitri's breath tickles his neck as he pants out those words, sending involuntary shivers down his spine.

"Hmph."

Swallowing, Felix averts his gaze, trying to grasp a reason for this turn of events. Maybe it's a prey's instinct, nervousness at being caught by a hunter. It couldn't be anything else, right?

Dimitri lessens the pressure on Felix's arms slightly, just enough to allow him to grasp his hands instead. He leans in close, close enough that his hair would be tickling Felix's cheeks if it wasn't pulled back.

"That is not an answer," Dimitri says, his voice sounding a little rough.

This clearly isn't what a lion does to its prey, yet the flush in Felix's cheeks refuses to abate, even worsening when Dimitri bears down on him like that.

"I..."

Felix hates himself at the way his voice cracks, too small, too raw for his usual bluster. Hates the way his heart pounds in his chest, an occurrence he's slowly accepting as an outcome of something other than adrenaline. He feels strangely limp, Dimitri's words ringing in his ears long after they've been said, unable to focus on anything but that. Escape was a distant thought in his mind, filled with nothing but thoughts of Dimitri—how close he is, how deep his voice is, how he held a certain strength Felix can never hope to pass…

"...give up."

Felix exhales, still unable to look Dimitri in the eye. _What had changed?_ Or perhaps, did nothing ever change, and was Felix simply too proud to admit it?

"This is clearly your win."

* * *

Dimitri isn't exerting himself anymore, but it feels like his heartbeat keeps speeding up. His throat feels strangely dry, and his face feels far hotter than it should be. That he doesn't have any actual experience with sexual tension doesn't matter—the electricity in the air between them is impossible to miss. Has it always been this way? Did he just not realize it, being as obsessed with revenge as he was? He's always known Felix is attractive—he doesn't need both eyes to see that much—but it was in a distant way. Seeing him here now, pinned beneath him... there's nothing distant about it.

"Felix," Dimitri says, swallowing, "Look at me."

Dimitri's gaze is immediately drawn by the slight motion of Felix's throat as he swallows as well. He's struck by the urge to nip at it, but that's definitely not something he can just do, especially when Felix cannot even make eye contact. It's obvious that they're both feeling something, but he can't be entirely sure if that's a good thing or not with just this much. Just asking Felix wouldn't do any good either. Felix rarely expresses his feelings vocally, so Dimitri just has to make his best guess.

So, how is he supposed to gauge how he's feeling without looking at him?

Dimitri exhales slowly, letting go of one of Felix's hands to cup his cheek instead, gentle as he urges Felix to look his way again, this time without words.

* * *

_He's gentle._

The hand that cups Felix's chin may be rough, hardened by battle and tried by experience, but the warmth and encouragement that accompanies it is a sharp, inviting contrast. The next thing Felix knows, he has responded to it—accepted without thinking about it.

And it's everything he's feared, and more.

Felix is no stranger to Dimitri's finer points. After all, he spent a good portion of his life reveling in them, the other portion distancing himself from a certain creature he's called a boar.

He didn't like what he saw back then, that is for certain. To the point that it took him close to a decade to reconcile the Dimitri he saw back then, and the Dimitri he's come to know previously. As stated by the man himself, both are parts of him, and Felix, for all he's refused to consider any other viewpoint, is finally starting to see it.

Perhaps, at the end of the day, Felix is the boar blinded by emotion. This situation they're in right now is no exception to the matter, and he finds himself afraid of what he might see...

_...And what Dimitri might see as well._

But now… there's a softness to Dimitri's expression that's laughably uncharacteristic, a look Felix has never known on Dimitri since that day. Or perhaps, Felix always decided to look past it, fixating on other, less dangerous emotions. It is hypnotizing, a deep gaze which keeps Felix rooted to the spot, only dimly aware he can free himself of it. Yet it's the last course of action in his mind, somehow comfortable where he is, terrifying as this road might be.

Cheeks still burning, he continues to meet Dimitri's gaze, brows less sharp, a touch lost as he finds himself waiting on what Dimitri might do next. Whatever this is, wherever it might lead, he isn't alone in feeling something one way or another—a thought that both excites and scares him, come what may.

* * *

Dimitri's gentleness never left him, not truly. It was drowned out by his anger at times, but even his anger was born of the deep love he held for his family and the irreconcilable pain their loss left him with. He never stopped being the kind, compassionate boy that he was in their younger days, even if that kindness was obscured by the darkness for far too long. Like his physical strength, the strength of his feelings was too much for him to control. But he's learned to control himself physically, and he's learning how to control his emotions, too.

With a slightly shaky sigh, he runs his thumb over Felix's lower lip, watching him for even the smallest hint of apprehension. It only seems natural to lean in closer, though Dimitri stops short of actually kissing him. For all his bluster, he knows that Felix is still every bit as tender deep down as he was as a child. Is this really a risk he should take? Just now, they've barely become friends again, what would happen if this all goes wrong? The last thing he wants to do is to rip the rug out from under Felix again.

_He can't do it._

* * *

"I told you…"

Perhaps another moment in time, Felix would have shoved Dimitri off, snapped at him for trying such moves.

"...you don't need to hold back."

But when Dimitri is hovering so tantalizingly close, the atmosphere between them electric, it only feels natural to use his free hand to reach out, to do what he wouldn't otherwise. Grabbing Dimitri by his shirt, Felix closes the short distance between them by yanking Dimitri close, meeting Dimitri's lips halfway with his own.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long overdue edit! In light of a comment I received, I consolidated a series of POV switches that happens later in this chapter, hopefully that reads better!

If Felix had waited for just a couple of seconds longer, Dimitri would have gotten back to his feet and attempted to put the whole incident behind them. Considering the fact that he'll be back on the road in a few days, that might have been for the best. But right now, at this moment, he can't possibly imagine being satisfied with any other outcome. Because he wants this.

He _needs_ it.

Dimitri's initial reaction is simply a small gasp of surprise. As rough as Dimitri's hands have become and as scarred as his body is, his lips are soft as he—somewhat timidly—returns the kiss. However, that hesitance doesn't last for long. He takes Felix's words to heart only moments later, slipping one hand beneath his skull to shield him from the hard floor as he leans into the kiss. Still conscious of the bruises on his thighs, Dimitri shifts his weight so that his knees rest on either side of Felix's legs, straddling his lap in a manner that's very unbecoming of a king. But Dimitri doesn't care what he looks like right now, he only cares about pressing in as close as he possibly can.

Felix seems to welcome it, for he rests his head against Dimitri's hand, responding with equal fervor as his fingers curl around Dimitri's shirt. If just kissing someone feels this good, then it's no wonder that Sylvain is so obsessed with fooling around. It's an indescribable rush, somehow every bit as potent as the thrill of battle but without the accompanying danger. His heart pounds so hard that it honestly leaves him feeling a little light-headed, but he doesn't think about stopping for a second.

Felix pushes back against Dimitri's lips as if it was some sort of competition, rough, mostly teeth as he goes about it. Inexperience is something both of them have to contend with here, though Dimitri has some idea of what he's supposed to do. He's fairly certain that pushing in like that is not how it should be done, but it's so very Felix that he finds it charming all the same.

Still, if Felix wants to make a competition of it, he thinks he'd rather him use his tongue over his teeth. Dimitri pulls back just a bit, enough to give himself some space to run his tongue over Felix's lower lip. Felix's leg jerks, bumping against Dimitri's thigh as he parts his mouth slightly. The sudden rush of heat that washes over Dimitri is not entirely unfamiliar, but it's still new enough to prompt a soft gasp from him. He eagerly takes Felix up on that unspoken invitation, slipping his tongue past his lips. He's never been more grateful that he didn't lose sensation on his tongue along with his sense of taste—it's incredible. How did he never notice how exquisitely sensitive the mouth is to touch until right this moment?

Dimitri starts to press his torso against Felix's on instinct, not stopping to think at the moment that he's probably making it hard for him to breathe. Focusing on anything beyond kissing him is far too much trouble, especially when Felix responds by rolling his hips against Dimitri, savoring the opportunity as well by kissing back just as hungrily.

The longer Dimitri kisses Felix, the more intense he gets. Being on the run for so long and then heading up the war efforts with Byleth resulted in him barely having any positive physical contact outside of being patched up every now and then. Even after the war, there's just been an overwhelming number of tasks to tend to. He just doesn't have the time to court someone, and he's not interested in a frivolous physical relationship. But the instinctive need to be close to someone hasn't lessened despite being repressed, and with every shared breath, that need slowly starts to take him over. He almost yanks Felix right back into the kiss when he pulls away, but he sees the way his chest heaves, feels him struggling for breath beneath him.

And then Dimitri draws back too, sitting off to the side for a moment. He takes a moment to drink in the sight of Felix—that half-dazed look in his eyes, chest heaving as the flush in his cheeks refuses to leave.

"Sorry," Dimitri says breathlessly, reaching to pull Felix into his lap instead, "Didn't mean to crush you."

"Don't," _Apologize_, perhaps. Felix moves to straddle Dimitri's hips, tentatively wrapping his arms around Dimitri as he proceeds to rest his head against the crook of Dimitri's neck, chest still heaving as he refrains from looking at Dimitri's face. "I did say... you didn't have to hold back…"

_Indeed._ But Dimitri can't help worry, even when succumbing to base instinct like this—as he said, he is both a man and a beast.

Admittedly, he's leaning a bit more toward being a beast at the moment. The weight of Felix on his lap draws his attention to just how much he's enjoying this, and he finds himself pulling Felix by the hips to press more tightly against his rapidly hardening length. Felix lets out a low groan as he grinds against Dimitri, his nails digging into Dimitri's back. It's a shame that Felix is hiding his face like that; he's really very cute when he's this worked up.

Not that Dimitri is going to complain too much about catching his breath long enough to let down Felix's hair. He's quick to get that hair tie out, running his fingers through the dark, silky strands once they're loose. He always has thought Felix has lovely hair, but with how strained their relationship has been, he hasn't had the nerve to touch it.

"That you did," he murmurs, reaching back with one hand to untie his own hair. Inhaling sharply, he quickly tosses his hair tie to the side, grabbing hold of Felix's hips again to encourage him to keep up that grinding motion. It's nothing but a tease, but really, they shouldn't do more than this down here in the basement…

But this much is fine, isn't it? He doesn't want to stop long enough to move. A part of him isn't entirely sure this is actually happening—if it's a dream, he doesn't want it to end yet. Dimitri leans in toward Felix's neck, placing a light kiss just where it meets his jaw. If Felix didn't have that pesky turtleneck on, he'd like to do considerably more than that. Loosening his grip on Felix's hips, he slips his fingertips up underneath the hem of his shirt, tentative but eager.

"...Don't stop."

Dimitri's gaze is initially dreamy in a far-off sort of way, but Felix only has to say two words to get him to snap back to the present. How powerfully those words affect him is abundantly clear in the shuddering breath he takes as he just stares, drinking in an expression he certainly never thought he would see on Felix's face—lips drawn in a line, but desire stark in his half-lidded gaze.

Dimitri's fingers clutch the hem of the turtleneck as he starts to pull it off of him, painfully eager—

But then he hears the sound of someone walking toward the door and freezes in place. This is Felix's home now, yes, and they aren't teenagers getting caught sneaking around, but still. Being seen at this stage when neither one of them know what they want beyond this encounter could be a huge mess.

Dimitri just falls back against the floor with a groan when he hears the knob turning. He is vanquished, let whatever servant that sees this think Felix trounced him training, he doesn't care.

* * *

The sound of the knob turning causes Felix to snap out of the heated trance he was in, no short of alarm coursing through him as he springs away from Dimitri. Unsteady on his feet, he sinks to his knees and keeps his legs tightly folded beneath him, hands balled into fists as he stretches his arms forward to cover his hardness from view.

...Perhaps, given the position Dimitri decided to take, it would have been better if he had remained where he was, but the idea of being found on top of Dimitri like that soured and confused him more than he'd like to admit. How much of this is something they really wanted, or how much of this was due to adrenaline, of it being practically forever since they were last in someone else's arms?

The door swings open, revealing a maid that started serving House Fraldarius just recently—who has yet to learn that Felix did not appreciate disturbances while training.

"Please pardon the intrusion," she says, bowing, "I have prepared your lunch."

Felix nods, dismissing her with a wave of his hand, unwilling to risk speaking then. Thankfully, she does not deign to comment on their reddened state, dipping out not too long afterwards. All the same, Felix resigns himself to whispers among the staff, despite the more innocent and probable ways of interpreting their situation.

"...Guess we should get going," Felix says, exhaling as he keeps his eyes downcast. It is indeed for the best that he didn't speak out earlier, for his voice is soft, still strangely raw—from emotion? Exertion? Whatever the case is, despite his words, he doesn't feel inclined to rise, feeling boneless as his rush of adrenaline starts to fade.

"That would be prudent," Dimitri says thickly, clearing his throat as an afterthought. "And... perhaps after we eat, we can see to some of these bruises before they take hold."

Felix follows suit and fakes a cough—anything to get rid of that tone that sounded unlike him. He's slow to get on his feet, unsteady as he shifts his weight on the balls of his feet.

"Yeah, sounds like a good idea."

He picks up one of the discarded hair ties after locating it, tying his hair in an attempt to get some semblance of dignity back before staggering towards the door. Fortunately, he eases into the familiar motion, and by the time he gets to the door, his walk has more or less normalized despite his soreness.

* * *

Lunch is a generous plate of beast meat and cheese sandwiches, served with another pot of tea that is brought up to Dimitri's room. This time, it's a four-spice blend that Felix favors, normally relaxing after a round of training. It does its job at first, but as soon as Felix's thoughts drift to what happened earlier, he feels his stomach flop, anxiety gnawing at him at the gravity of what they had almost done.

Felix eats his lunch in silence, unable to look Dimitri in the eye once more. He cannot afford to fool around with Dimitri, more so the latter. They had their own sets of duties, roles to play in this grand stage called keeping the peace they fought for. Playing house, falling in love are hardly any of them, better left until after the curtains have fallen.

_And even then, certainly not with each other._

Unease spoils Felix's appetite, and after forcing down the rest of his sandwich, he watches as Dimitri, who finishes earlier, walks over to the hearth and makes a certain offer as he picks up the jar of bruise cream close to the hearth.

"Would you like to go first?"

For a moment, he considers turning down Dimitri, to run away while he still can. This is dangerous territory they are wading in...

...But at the same time, turning tail isn't Felix's style, whatever the battle might be. He's always prided himself on facing things head on, using the strength he had forged to stubbornly carve a way where there was sometimes none.

...Kind of like a boar, but he'll set aside that thought for later. This should be no different in any case, and besides, the sooner he takes care of his new round of bruises, the better.

"...I suppose."

Rising, Felix hesitates a moment before pulling his turtleneck off and hanging it by the fireplace, exposing the upper half of his body once more to Dimitri as he settles by the fire the way they did yesterday. Anxiety gnaws at him, but at the same time, anticipation tempers it, a part of himself welcoming the same gentle, yet firm hands that took care of his injuries back then.

Dimitri moves behind Felix, taking the time to warm some of the cream in his hands before he starts to work it in. Felix bites back a moan as Dimitri continues rubbing the medicine in, his hand lingering far too long for a simple application of medicine. There's no real need to keep rubbing the cream in, but Dimitri keeps going anyway, carefully kneading Felix's muscles until the medicine has completely absorbed.

"How is that?" Dimitri asks, voice soft and low.

"...Fine," Felix is quick to say, but elaborates no more than that. Dimitri's voice is chilling, different from the way it was yesterday. At the same time, Felix feels warm from the sound of it, though perhaps that's the medicine working its magic on his bruises.

_That's all there is to it, right?_

A grunt escapes Felix as Dimitri moves on to the worse bruises on his back. But this time, he foregoes the swearing, still thoughtful about the earlier turn of events. No matter how Felix goes about it, it's impossible for him to forget Dimitri's tender expression while Felix straddled his lap earlier. It's exactly what he feared out of that interaction, the sheer memory causing his cheeks to burn once more. Whether he liked it or not, he can no longer look at Dimitri the same way he did, and he knows if he turns to look at Dimitri again, he'll have to face certain questions he isn't sure he likes the answer to.

_So much for facing matters head on._

"That should be enough," Felix says, exhaling after a while. "I should start working on your back."

* * *

Typically, Dimitri isn't really the self-conscious sort. Hiding his eye is more out of consideration for others than vanity, and though his body bears numerous scars, he isn't ashamed of it. But somehow, he feels a little anxious about exposing himself after spending the past few minutes appreciating Felix's back. Not that Felix doesn't have scars of his own, but they've all healed nicely for the most part. Dimitri's general shape and musculature are nothing to be ashamed of, but there are more than a few scars that didn't heal over well due to lack of medical care and apathy regarding his own physical condition. It's embarrassing to think back on what a pathetic state he was in.

Still, it's pretty silly of him to be preoccupied with this when he was ready to strip down completely right there in the basement earlier. Dimitri nods, stripping off his own shirt and hanging it by the fire so that it will be nice and toasty whenever he decides he needs it next. He's slightly hesitant as he sits, glancing over his shoulder at Felix as he tries to gauge what he's thinking.

Felix looks like he's about to jump out of his skin once their eyes meet for the briefest of seconds, quick to direct his gaze towards the portion of the fireplace where they hung their clothes. Is his appearance really so startling, or is Felix really just that jumpy after what happened earlier? Dimitri turns away, deciding he'd rather not know.

Because he has a feeling that Felix is regretting it.

Again, Felix doesn't comment, and Dimitri is every bit as grateful for it this time as he was the last. He takes a deep breath, trying to let out some of his tension on the exhale. 

"That work for you?" Felix asks, applying more significant pressure against one of the more stubborn knots on Dimitri's back.

Still, Dimitri doesn't expect Felix to return the favor with a little massage, and he's completely unprepared for it. A pleasured groan escapes him, one that sounds completely different from the exasperated noise he made downstairs. Reddening, he nods in response, rolling his shoulders and leaning back into Felix's hands.

"Perhaps I should... watch my posture."

Or perhaps he should actually sleep in a proper bed more often and give his body a chance to unwind. Dimitri's posture is actually quite good, so it's definitely not the issue here.

"Right," Felix says, fingers tensing against Dimitri's back before he resumes the application of the medicine. Despite the additional massage, the time Felix spends on Dimitri is considerably shorter, his fingers deft and methodical as he worked.

"Guess we should be fine for now." After one last pass through Dimitri's back, Felix doesn't linger, straightening up and stretching once he's done. "Did you want to go back to the study?"

No, Dimitri doesn't want to go back. He wants to pin Felix down again and put that cream on him very thoroughly, but he would have to be an idiot to miss that Felix doesn't want that now. Still, he's not going to let him put off tending to his injuries from training. Dimitri twists, poking Felix right on the side where he landed a pretty good blow. Caught by surprise by the move, Felix cringes, and Dimitri does not stop to check the dirty look he's sure to be throwing in his direction now.

"You may go ahead if you must, but I am not a masochist. I have the rest of my body to tend to."

Which he'll proceed to do immediately. Dimitri dips into the jar and starts to rub his chest and arms, sullen but unwilling to potentially put a strain on their friendship by pushing.

"Excuse me?" Felix says, indignant, "You're the one who _enjoys_ overworking."

A small pause follows, punctuated by an exasperated sigh from Felix. "...You know what, I think I shall."

This was not at all what Dimitri was picturing when he suggested it downstairs, but... maybe it's for the best. Felix can be volatile, and Dimitri is only now starting to stabilize emotionally. As much of a comfort as it is to be with him when things go well, it throws his heart into turmoil when it all goes sour.

_As it always seems to._

* * *

Dimitri tends to his own wounds and heads for the study afterward, which Felix enters later, no doubt having taken the time to apply some cream on his own in the privacy of his own room. It's not unusual to work in silence, but unlike before, this silence isn't comfortable. Dimitri can't stop himself from feeling disappointed and frustrated, and though he tries to keep it to himself since it truly isn't his intention to pressure Felix, Felix has always been able to see right through him.

So he excuses himself after dinner and goes to take a long bath in an attempt to wind down. Since he brings his clothing into the bathroom with him, he's dressed when he emerges, and is clearly surprised when he sees Felix.

"You're here."

"...I made a promise," Felix says, sullen as he hangs by the doorway. Running a hand through his hair, he shakes his head and lets out an annoyed sigh as he crosses the threshold and parks himself by the side of the bed he occupied the night before.

It's the answer he'd hoped Felix would give. It's a good thing—even if Felix is determined to pretend that kiss never happened, he's not withdrawing entirely. Dimitri smiles to himself, nodding.

"I see. Well, it is a bit early yet, but I suppose I could do with a little extra sleep."

_Or a lot._ As Felix takes off his boots and unties his hair, Dimitri moves about the room, refueling the fire, pulling the drapes, and dousing the lights. The firelight is more than enough for him to make his way back to the bed, especially since the room is a familiar one. Dimitri climbs back in, untying his eye patch and placing it on the nightstand. Felix had already settled into bed ahead of him, curling on his side with his back facing Dimitri.

Dimitri doesn't mind it so much, scooting close enough to feel Felix's warmth, but no closer. Even this much feels awkward after today, but at least he can rest easy knowing Felix won't actually say anything about it, not when he clearly wants to forget it ever happened.

"...Good night," Felix says.

"Good night," Dimitri softly says in return, staring at the fire. Chances are he won't get all that much sleep tonight, but it's a price he's willing to pay to keep their relationship from getting even messier.

* * *

_He's running._

Felix chases after Glenn's back, begging him not to go after he says he's off to Duscur. But his pitiful, 13-year-old legs cannot keep up with the confident strides of a soldier as he walks in the name of duty, unknowingly marching onwards to his death.

A death Felix knows too well, and is helpless to prevent, distant screams ringing in Felix's ears as fire engulfs Glenn's body.

Felix forces himself to wake up after that, telling himself it's just a dream. But once he opens his eyes, it's now his father's body that lays before him, warmth rapidly leaving him as he gently caresses the cheek of the son of the person he most cared about.

...But that is a reality of his, wasn't it? It happened not too long ago, at Gronder, at the battlefield he's standing in right now. Even with his dying breath, all his father does is whisper words of comfort to that blasted boar, muttering about promises he's made to a corpse.

At that moment, Felix did not know whether he hated his father more, or himself more for wishing that he wouldn't leave them like this. That for however he detests his father, dying is a fate Felix far wished for him—not until they have had an opportunity to work past heeding the whispers of the dead, a chance to come to an understanding with regard to Glenn's death.

"Don't…"

Trapped in the maze between his subconscious and reality, Felix murmurs in his sleep, every bit the child he is in that dream.

"Father…"

Felix's voice cracks, his grip on the covers white-knuckled, eyes tightly shut despite the repeated calls of his mind to wake up.

* * *

Dimitri does manage to fall asleep, though it's a fitful one that he's easily roused from. Rather than being stirred by Felix speaking, it's Felix's twitching as he tries to wake himself that gets Dimitri's attention. He turns over to face him just in time to hear that soft, sad plea. It doesn't sound at all like the man Felix has become.

It sounds like the child he used to be.

Even though he knows Felix will be embarrassed when he wakes, Dimitri doesn't have it in him to leave him to his nightmares, especially not here—how many times has he held Felix here in this bed in this exact scenario? Taking a deep breath, he curls his body around Felix's smaller form and drapes an arm over him.

"Wake up, Felix."

* * *

The dream doesn't end there.

Warmth envelopes him from behind, but Felix's mind warps it into a blaze that surrounds him, sweeping away the image of his father and the boar he once knew.

This time, it's a 15-year-old Dimitri amid a field of bodies, a sight he could not forget even if he wanted to. But in contrast to his other nightmares of the same scenario, Felix is trapped beneath a few of them, the stink of battle and rot permeating his nostrils.

He doesn't know what horrifies him more—the spear protruding out of his chest, or the fact that Dimitri's eyes are cold, the eyes of an enemy—a cruel, demeaning glint in them.

"This is what you wanted," he says, "For me to remain the boar you've always hated. It's easier that way, isn't it?"

Felix opens his mouth to protest, but his words come out as a gurgle, blood spilling out of his mouth instead. He coughs through the pain, vomits before he finds his throat some semblance of clear.

But by then, Dimitri has his back to him, no longer interested in what's soon to be a corpse.

"Dimitri..."

Unmindful of the arm draped over him, Felix hugs himself, chewing on his lower lip briefly as his dream self reaches out towards Dimitri's retreating form.

"Don't... leave..."

* * *

At first, he thinks Felix is responding to him. But he sounds so small, so lost, and then he starts begging for Dimitri not to leave, and Dimitri realizes that Felix is dreaming about him now. His heart leaps into his throat at the thought of what Felix must be seeing in that nightmare, and without regard for the consequences of his actions, he turns Felix to face him and holds him against his chest, tangling his fingers in his hair.

"I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

The contrasting movement finally causes Felix to stir, eyes wide open as he leaves the world of nightmares he was trapped in. Yet, he feels no reassurance about being drawn back to reality, especially when reality meant finding himself in Dimitri's arms once more, hearing certain words said.

_...Wait, was he sleep-talking?_

_Go away_, are the words his rational side wishes to speak, but Felix could not bear to utter those words. Not when his chest is still heavy from unshed tears, Felix's own whispered words still fresh in his memory, far from forgotten.

The next thought he entertains is pulling away, not wanting to give Dimitri false hope or ideas after he's so actively worked to spurn him, to put the incident in the basement behind them. But is it really false when Felix himself wants to stay like this, to sink into the embrace he's known well as a child? Even now that they're no longer children, Felix finds himself longing to bury his face into Dimitri's chest, to sob out the bad dreams he had as if it were a good luck charm to ward them off.

But he refrains from doing that, unmoving as he lets out a shaky exhale.

"You… shouldn't have..."

_Woken him up from this dream, from the feelings he is stubbornly trying to move on from._

"Why not?" Dimitri blurts out, a challenge in his statement. "You are very dear to me, Felix. I doubt that anything could change that."

With a soft sigh, he shakes his head, continuing to hold Felix close.

"Please, do not push me away. I will not ask for more than your friendship."

"I... don't know."

Yet, even with Dimitri backing down, his challenge rings in Felix's ears, the same thought that part of him shouted this whole while.

_Why not?_

Felix closes his eyes, as if it would make those words go away. Dimitri could not have made his interest any more clearer, and Felix... Felix knows, deep inside what his real answer is, the truth that he refuses to look at.

"I'm... afraid."

Felix's chest feels heavy, his throat leaden as he settles for part of the truth. It is painful being this close while considering all these rejections, yet all the same, Felix cannot get his limbs to move, to extract himself from the comfort of Dimitri's embrace.

Out of context as it is, perhaps, like Dimitri said earlier, he's a masochist for staying at all, not running away while he still had the chance.

"...What is it you fear?"

_You._

_Me._

_Everything else in between._

The expected question from Dimitri comes, and Felix finds himself at a loss for words. Normally, he has no trouble speaking his mind, sometimes to the point of lacking delicacy. Yet this characteristic of his is nowhere to be found now, hidden by words he knows that can and _will_ irreparably break barriers he's taken the time to set.

"...It's impossible anyway."

Felix rests his forehead against Dimitri's chest, a resigned sigh escaping him. Wrapped up in Dimitri's warmth like this, it's getting difficult to resist the childish inclinations he's having—or perhaps always had, and had simply suppressed.

"We... can never return to the way things were."

_To those carefree times they had as children. To the time before they realized they harbored feelings beyond friendship._

Somehow, his statement relaxes Dimitri. He closes his eye, combing his fingers through Felix's hair with a small smile.

"So long as we walk together, does it matter if we cannot go back?"

After a moment, he adds in a softer voice:

"I won't leave you behind."

Giving in like this is so relaxing, Dimitri's familiar touch an odd comfort despite his traitorous thoughts. For a while, Felix simply lays there, heat creeping up his cheeks as he thinks on Dimitri's proposal of a kind. His fears seem so inconsequential next to Dimitri, especially when he whispers those reassurances. What is it that exactly scared Felix anyway? The fact that Dimitri was the king? Making sense of these long buried feelings he's unearthed?

_But if they walk together... did it even matter?_

Felix finally dares to glance upwards, at Dimitri's face illuminated by the fireplace. To his surprise and relief, Dimitri has his eye closed, looking the most peaceful Felix has seen him since Duscur.

"...You better not."

Felix says, lowering his head and shifting closer towards Dimitri. Perhaps he won't be able to make sense of everything _now_, and perhaps he'll continue disliking the answers he might find. But the thought of walking through this path with Dimitri lightens his chest, lets a smile line his expression. It won't be an easy path, but does it have to be? Turmoil has been a constant in their relationship since the Tragedy, yet as much as Felix longed for halcyon days, it is never his style to dwell on them.

The past is past, the future matters, but the present is what's most important. And if there's anything Felix is sure about in this tentative present, it's that this is isn't a peace he wanted to disturb any further.

* * *

Things aren't any clearer than they were five minutes ago, but having Felix indirectly agree to walk together makes him feel impossibly light. Having his oldest, dearest friend accept him again is almost enough to make him cry—thankfully, he's not quite that sleep-deprived. Despite the fact that Dedue is almost always at his side, a part of him has always felt alone since that horrible day when he lost his family. He cares for Dedue deeply, of course, but Dedue puts him on a pedestal; he refuses to so much as call his name. It's just not the same as having someone that treats him as an equal. Or, as is often the case with Felix, as an inferior.

The thought prompts a chuckle. Dimitri lowers his head as well, burying his nose in Felix's hair and simply allowing himself to savor the moment. Being this happy about such a small thing is a little embarrassing, but he won't let shame hold him back.

"...What's so funny?" Felix asks as he curls into Dimitri's embrace. There's no bite to Felix's remark, just a seeming attempt to seem above things. Still, being called out on that giggle makes Dimitri blush, but since Felix can't see his face tucking his head into his chest like that, he tries to ignore it. Dimitri clears his throat.

"Nothing. I am just... happy."

Which doesn't begin to describe the warmth suffusing him, but it's the best he can do and will have to suffice. Besides, if he were to get too descriptive, Felix might feel inclined to give him a smack or two.

"Whatever, just don't go crying on me next," Felix says, "Quit being so damn mushy, it's gross."

_There it is._ Yes, Dimitri made the right choice in not trying too hard to describe his feelings if a simple "I'm happy" gets Felix grumbling like this. Dimitri's in such a good mood now that he simply finds it charming. He pulls back a bit, just enough to try and sneak a peek down at Felix. It's no fun teasing him if he can't see his face, after all.

"You're the one who told me not to hold back," Dimitri says, "Or was that simply bravado?"

Felix burns considerably at Dimitri's teasing, at a momentary loss for words.

"This and that are two different things."

He continues under his breath, softer:

"...Not like I ever told you to stop anyway."

Felix didn't _have_ to tell him to stop. Whatever they may end up deciding to do when they're alone together is no one else's business, especially when their relationship is only vaguely defined. But technically, he's right.

"...That's true," Dimitri says, "In fact, I believe you told me _not_ to stop."

Felix may not have explicitly said "go ahead and continue" just now, but something about his tone implies it. That alone is enough to get his heart beating faster. Dimitri untangles his hand from Felix's hair, tracing his jawline from his ear down to his chin. Somehow, he manages to be gentle and demanding at the same time as he urges Felix to tilt his head back and look up at him. Felix is pliant, unresisting as he lifts his gaze towards Dimitri. Despite his cheeks being tinged red, his gaze is challenging, more confident than it was back then.

"Don't you dare stop this time."

Is all Felix says as he threads a hand through Dimitri's hair and pulls himself close, pressing his lips against Dimitri's once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One step forward, one step back, I hope no one minds these two doing the relationship cha-cha— 😂
> 
> Anyway, I would appreciate everyone's patience for the next update, as it's probably going to take a while. At the time I started publishing this, the first two parts have already been written up, while the third part was almost complete. We don't really have plans of rushing the last part, so it'll come out whenever it's ready! My co-writer and I are likely going to play that E rating straight (hah), so do look forward to that if that's your thing, aha. And well, the conclusion of this story!
> 
> As usual, I very much welcome feedback! Apologies if I'm not as coherent when it comes to responding, this is my first time getting so much feedback for anything I've ever written that I feel really overwhelmed (in a very good way!). Rest assured that each notification I get in my inbox is a treasure that makes my day shine a little brighter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is nothing but an extremely long sex scene with a touch of unconventional elements, you have been warned. Rest assured that I did some proper research on the matter.
> 
> EDIT: As with Chapter 3, this portion has been edited to consolidate some POV switches. I hope it's easier to read now!

Stopping is the last thing on Dimitri's mind. This late at night, no one's going to come knocking unless it's an emergency, so he doesn't hesitate to return that kiss with an urgency that surprises even himself. But even a passionate kiss can only satisfy him for so long, and soon enough he's sitting up to strip off his top, smirking wickedly down at Felix.

"You'd better not change your mind halfway," Dimitri murmurs in a low voice, beckoning for Felix to sit up as well so that he can _finally_ remove that pesky shirt.

"...I know how to keep a promise," Felix says as he sits up and pulls off his turtleneck with practiced ease, discarding it by the foot of the bed.

Felix really looks absolutely breathtaking like that, with his pale skin illuminated by the firelight, his hair tousled suggestively, that challenging gaze... Dimitri's lashes lower as Felix moves in close again, lips parting with anticipation. Being as starved for contact as Dimitri is, it comes as no surprise that he's getting hard just from having Felix climb on his lap.

"Give it your all now, or I'll never forgive you," Felix says as he straddles him as he did earlier.

Dimitri doesn't respond verbally. He has his mouth on Felix's neck as soon as he's within reach, and his arms wrap around Felix to pull him against his body as tightly as he can. He seems almost desperate as he kisses that soft, sensitive skin that's usually covered up by the high-necked shirts Felix favors, and as promised, he doesn't hold back. He can't resist sucking on his neck, incredibly turned on by the thought of leaving a mark that will linger even once he's on the road again.

* * *

A small part of Felix expected himself to regret this. Surrendering to Dimitri, leaving him free reign to do as he pleased. It isn't too long ago that he feared the beast that lurked within, that shadowed their every interaction since Duscur.

Yet, none of the fear comes. Only anticipation of what is to come, accepting of what Dimitri deals him this night.

Felix holds the beast close, embracing it as it bites down to claim him as its own. Presses against its hardening length, himself not faring any better. Moans as pleasure mingles with pain, digging his nails into its back as he tosses his head back, urging it on.

This is the same Dimitri that held him with great tenderness, comforting him from his nightmares. The same Dimitri that gently cupped his cheek earlier, patiently waiting for his answer. The same Dimitri that he chased after with great fervor—

_—Nay, never stopped chasing._ The boar and Dimitri are one—a fact that Felix has truly come to realize and embrace that moment.

The rest of Felix's thoughts scatter into the wind as Dimitri lifts his head, leaning in to capture Felix's lips in a messy but passionate kiss. Dimitri's hunger is evident in his every move, from the breathless, desperate way he kisses him to the way he grips his hips so tightly that his skin will probably bruise later. It's difficult to think of anything else when it takes everything in Felix to simply keep up, himself straining against his pants despite the pain mixed in with all the pleasure. He can feel Dimitri's heart hammering against his chest, goosebumps rising in the wake of every touch from Felix.

Again, Felix is the first to break away from the kiss, though takes the time to drink in the sight of Dimitri through half-lidded eyes as he catches his breath.

And what a sight it is. He knew Dimitri always had impressive musculature, but the dim firelight had a way of accentuating it, shadows falling along the curve of his collarbone and more. Some may say that the way Dimitri's hair is tousled then makes him look wild, yet all the same, it's a look Felix found charming and wouldn't have any other way.

The hunger in Dimitri's eye is unmistakable as well, and it's with a shaky shudder that Felix shifts to cup Dimitri's cheek, resuming the kiss. Dimitri leans into the hand on his cheek, eye fluttering shut to focus on the kiss again, but it snaps back open a moment later once Felix pitches forward, using his free hand to start removing the irksome barrier of his own pants. Dimitri pulls away, letting himself lie back on the mattress. He takes a deep breath, watching Felix with a lascivious smirk as he starts to shimmy his pants down.

Felix wastes no time in taking advantage of that opportunity, quickly pulling down his pants the rest of the way as Dimitri lies back to do the same. He carelessly casts it to the side, unmindful of where it lay as he climbs on top of Dimitri once the latter is done taking off his pants. Not once does his eyes leave Dimitri, entranced by the way he gazes at him. How his every action causes Dimitri to look at him with a thirst he's never thought to associate with him in this manner, fills him with such raw desire.

_For Felix, and Felix alone._

Instead of feeling embarrassed, the thought suffuses him with a warmth that he feels all the way to the bone, the strange sort of exhilaration at the fact that he is capable of inciting such emotions from Dimitri. Heart beating faster, he props his arms on either side of Dimitri. Felix sinks down, latching his lips on that tender spot between Dimitri's neck and shoulder as he presses his body against Dimitri's warmth, determined to return the favor.

"_Felix_," Dimitri breathes, shuddering. His arms wrap around Felix tightly, one hand in his hair holding his head against his neck and the other exploring the bared skin on his back. "Leave your mark on me..."

Felix moans against Dimitri's skin, a fresh surge of heat washing over him as Dimitri holds him close. Even if he could, Felix isn't sure he would be able to respond verbally to the way Dimitri calls him then. It fills Felix's chest with a rush of emotion, a familiar heaviness catching his throat. But this time it's welcome, something that keeps his heart light. He can't quite recall a time he has been this happy—years of bottled grief and undue resentment had left it a faraway dream, with the war simply adding more casualties to the child he once was, to the simple joys he had once known.

More than eager to oblige, Felix sucks _hard_, resolute in leaving a mark. He wants to leave Dimitri with the same gift he has bestowed upon him earlier. Something to look back on in the coming days, a reassurance that this all isn't just a simple dream. A reminder of being wrapped around each other's arms, finally accepting of one another.

Dimitri's hand fists in Felix's hair as he lifts his hips instinctively, not bothering to find the right angle to grind against Felix. Felix hums, lips curving into a smile as he persists with his task. The delicious friction against him is dizzying and sends a shock of pleasure coursing through his system, himself rolling his hips into the contact when he can.

Once Dimitri starts to slide his hand between them and down Felix's taut abdomen, Felix lifts his head, slightly short of breath as he takes in a lungful and catches sight of Dimitri once more. At Dimitri's frustrated whimper, Felix shifts to allow Dimitri an easier time with his task of lining up their cocks together, about to lend a helping hand when Dimitri groans in satisfaction once he manages it, thus erasing that need.

_But only that need._ Pressing against Dimitri once more, Felix rocks next to him, elbows digging into the sheets as he hangs over Dimitri, their noses almost touching. Felix's hair cascades around him, close enough to tickle. Precome already coats the tip of his arousal, slick against their stomachs as he watches Dimitri through half-lidded eyes. Consequences are the last thing on Felix's mind, simply burning with the desire to commit this connection into memory. From the way their bodies burned against each other, to the way Dimitri looked at him—they more he drinks everything in, the more everything seems less surreal, less like a moment about to slip past his fingers.

* * *

As they build up a rhythm, the rest of the world seems to fall away. Dimitri looks up at Felix with a hazy gaze, untangling his fingers from that lovely hair of his in favor of lightly stroking his cheek.

_He really is beautiful._

Dimitri almost says as much, but words always seem to complicate things when it comes to Felix. It's always been far easier to let his body do the talking. This may not be how he's used to "talking" with Felix, but it comes just as naturally as all that time spent together training. With a shuddering breath, he begins thrusting against Felix in earnest. Tension starts to build in his core, radiating a wave of pleasure that seems to crest higher every time his hips rise up to meet Felix's.

It's almost embarrassing how much he's enjoying this, but Dimitri is beyond shame at this point. Besides, he can tell that Felix is enjoying it just as much—they're both leaking precome like a pair of overexcited teenagers. Which might as well be the case considering the fact that neither of them bothered with this sort of thing when they were that age. So really, it shouldn't be a surprise that it only takes this much to get him going.

Suddenly, Felix breaks their stride. Dimitri props himself up on his elbows, ready to protest until he figures out what Felix is doing. Once he does, he just stares with his eye widened to the point that it's comical, unable to look away as Felix lifts his hips and starts taking Dimitri in, groaning softly once Dimitri penetrates him. He takes Dimitri all the way to the hilt, lips curving into a small smile once he drinks in Dimitri's shocked expression when he looks down at him.

It's a tight fit, tight to the point that it's a little uncomfortable even for Dimitri—but looking at the place where he's joined with Felix makes that discomfort worth it, even if his worried thoughts momentarily drift towards the possible need for lubricant in this situation. This certainly isn't a move he expected from Felix, so it takes him a couple of moments to get over the initial surprise. Once he does, that shocked expression fades into an absolutely _filthy_ smirk. Dimitri reaches out with both hands, sliding them over Felix's hips and grabbing hold of his ass with a squeeze.

"You said it's all right not to hold back. Do you really mean it?"

"I'm not about to change my mind," Felix says, inhaling sharply through his nose as color rushes to his cheeks. "Just... do it."

Dimitri doesn't have to be told twice. He may not have experience with this, but he's a quick enough study to realize that this angle is going to make things difficult. So he sits up, easily lifting Felix to reposition him without having to pull out of that intoxicating heat. He's gentle as he places Felix on the mattress face up—he's purposefully facing the fire now, wanting to be able to see him more clearly.

Oh, he's glad he did _that_. Felix is mesmerizing like this, lying back on the bed completely nude, his usually tightly tucked hair spread haphazardly atop the sheets. Dimitri takes a few seconds to just appreciate the sight of him. He doesn't express that appreciation verbally, but the look on his face says it all.

Belatedly, it occurs to him that he doesn't really know what spot he should be aiming for, but Felix isn't the shy sort. He's sure that he'll let him know if he finds it. Holding Felix's hips tightly, Dimitri slowly starts to thrust, getting his bearings. 

Felix fists his hands around the bedsheets, anchoring himself as Dimitri thrusts into him, offering Dimitri another smile. It's a little rough going, but Dimitri manages, eventually getting his bearings. It's not long before Felix gasps, quaking under Dimitri as he digs his fingers into the sheets, tossing his head back.

"_Dimitri…_"

Dimitri's gut clenches with _need_ at the sound of his name falling from Felix's lips, the muscles of his abdomen visibly contracting. Though he still thinks he should probably take it slow for a while longer yet, his body wholly disagrees. Dimitri shudders, taking a ragged breath as he gives in to the lust making his blood run hot. His hold on Felix's hips tightens, trembling fingers digging into his flesh. Careful to maintain the angle that made Felix call his name so sweetly, he drives his cock into him with the sort of desperation one would expect out of an animal. The groan that spills out of him is loud and unrestrained, possibly loud enough that someone might hear him—but he can't bring himself to care. Felix himself isn't faring any better, moaning in a manner Dimitri never thought possible as he clenches around Dimitri's unforgiving flesh, shame forgotten.

"Don't… stop…"

Dimitri's cock eagerly throbs inside Felix, swelling with a fresh rush of blood at the sound of his voice. Seeing him respond like this makes Dimitri's heart pound so hard that it's a wonder he doesn't faint, but he doesn't stop. He doesn't even know if he can stop at this point, not with the way his body demands a release that he rarely bothers to give it. The emotional high from reconnecting with someone so precious to him only makes that need all the more powerful, rendering him a slave to his desires.

"I won't," Dimitri gasps, clutching Felix for dear life as he continues to slam into him mercilessly. Felix is bearing down on him so hard that it honestly hurts a little bit, and both of them are likely to have some friction burns in the morning, but Dimitri just doesn't care. Compared to everything else he's feeling in this moment, a little pain is meaningless.

The downside of such a frenetic pace is that it brings things to an end all too soon. Dimitri's whole body jerks forward as he hits his peak, leaving him barely able to hold himself upright while his climax washes over him. The muscular contractions are so strong that he doesn't make a sound as he's coming, unable to draw in a proper breath until the involuntary response stops. Felix follows not a moment too soon, come spurting across his stomach in rivulets as he lays beneath Dimitri, a strangled cry escaping him as his climax consumes him.

Dimitri shivers slightly as he pulls out so that he can lie down beside Felix, overstimulated to the point that even that much affects him. He flops next to him gracelessly, arms and legs still feeling like they're made of jelly. Dimitri rolls on his side to face Felix regardless, absentmindedly reaching out to card his fingers through that long, dark hair. Breathing hard, Felix's hand cups Dimitri's warm cheek, taking a moment to drink in Dimitri's expression before he rests his forehead against Dimitri's shoulder, letting his hand fall back as he curls against Dimitri contentedly.

There's still a chill in the air despite the fire, but shifting around to get under the covers sounds like too much of a bother. Dimitri's also distantly aware that they'll need to rise and get cleaned up if they don't want too many rumors flying—though the noises alone will likely result in that, anyway. For now, though, this is all he wants, and he's at peace as he lazily drapes his arm over Felix, holding him close. Anything else can be taken care of later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIL it's possible to have relatively comfy anal without lube if you're relaxed enough (and well, have some precome to boot). Thank you, NSFW side of Reddit.
> 
> That TMI aside, thank you for sticking it out with the ride, y'all! Hope you enjoyed! I'm not sure what comes after this for me, writing-wise. I just really wanted to share this story and didn't think too much about writing more FE3H stories, but I have to say it's a definite consideration now. I don't think I'm getting off the pain train any time soon and there's just so much material to work with and explore!
> 
> Belatedly, I know I tagged this as "Love Confessions" at first, but given the lack of the L-word in spoken dialogue, I decided to replace the tag instead. Apologies for messing with expectations! There was going to be a verbal one towards the end, but it just didn't fit so my co-writer and I just scrapped out the idea. <s>Non-verbal ones are nice anyway, right?</s>
> 
> It will likely be a while yet, but until the next story, stay cool! Please don't hesitate to leave me any feedback, may it be on this story or any of my social media: [@DimensionSlip](https://twitter.com/DimensionSlip) (Twitter) and/or [@DimensionSlip](https://dimensionslip.tumblr.com/) (Tumblr)!


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